Sperm count in the western world has declined and no one knows why. Back in the Stone Age when men were men and Sean Connery was young, males had more bullets in the chamber than a nerf gun on Christmas Morning. According to new research by brilliant scientists who wrote a paper you’ll never read, using data from 1973 through 2011, they found a 59.3 percent decline in total sperm count among men living in North America, Europe, and Australia. So for those of us that have that “Why” Chromosome and that “How” attitude, here are 4 simple steps to raise that count back up to the old times, when Pluto was a planet and Taylor was a man’s name.
Keep your junk cold
If there's one thing reproductive scientists have found, it's that your little swimmers don't like to be too hot. It's best to treat your testicles like flour, store in a cool, dry place. So ditch those old cotton boxers or nylon briefs and pick up some undies with modern tech designed to keep your crotch refreshed.. Something like Pair of Thieves Boxer-Briefs are not only more comfortable, but will keep your nuts cooler than Zack Morris at Bayside on the first day of school.
Take cold showers
Still waitin' for that shower to heat up Princess? Don't. Not only do cold showers improve circulation, concentration and your immunity, but it's thought that the fight or flight response that occurs when doused in cold water bumps up your T count and gives you a nice free shot of testosterone.
Lift heavy things
Stop running and start lifting. To quote the Ghetto Boys, "Real gangstas don't run for shit 'cause real gangstas can't run fast. Stop it already with the cardio workouts, if your workout routine resembles a Jane Fonda VHS tape, you're doing it wrong. You gotta show your body you're a man by pushing things, pulling things, and refusing to valet park without looking for free street parking first.
Ditch the booze
Life isn't an episode of Cheers. It's a reality show starring a guy exactly like you. (But with way more Instagram followers) And that guy should stay away from the champagne room, In fact he should stay away from champagne entirely. Scientists at the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists found that too much alcohol lowers sperm count. Besides, too much alcohol makes you fat, forgetful, and do things you'll regret, like order a side of fries when your main course was nachos.
In the end, for men worried about their sperm count, by far the most consistent and evidence-based guidance is to keep the testicles cool, and that can be achieved by a breathable underwear like Pair of Thieves SuperFit Undies.