Underwear, like other meaningful relationships, aren’t always made to last. And, like some relationships, they can leave you with embarrassing south-of-the-belt-buckle rashes if you’re not careful. The relationship rash thing is more of a public service, because today we’re talking about underwear expiration dates.
Ask a group of friends how often they buy new underwear and you’re sure to get a variety of answers, as well as your friends ending conversations abruptly anytime you approach after that. Your awkward new social dynamic aside, it’s important that men understand when it’s time to hang them up…figuratively.
Unlike the automotive oil change industry, undies don’t provide an always-in-view vinyl sticker to let you know that burning smell means you’re two to twelve months overdue for a change. Instead, you’re left to wing it and blindly take your chances, with no way to know if they’re still useable. So, we put together these 10 signs that tell you it’s time to change your underwear.
1. If your underwear has any holes not meant for appendages.
2. If your underwear has more holes than a gopher sanctuary.
3. If your underwear are so tight, they’re a is a tourniquet.
4. If your underwear are so tight your sperm count is 2.
5. If your underwear has cartoon characters on them and you can legally vote for a president.
6. If your underwear can be measured in grit.
7. If you’re doing more package handling than Amazon.
8. If your underwear are see-through, but they weren’t before.
9. If you have plumber’s crack, but you don’t plumb.
10. If your undies are organically color coded for front and back.
If any of these are remotely descriptive of what you have going on in your pants and dresser drawers, do yourself, and society at large, a huge solid and upgrade. Or if you just want better underwear with more comfort features, check out the amazingly comfortable and stylish line of underwear Pair of Thieves has to offer.
